shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
