what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You made out with two different species that night
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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