i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
