my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
