Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
3pm strippers are depressing
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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