I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
