How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Randomize
