Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
