I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
