can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize
