i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
