You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
