If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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