Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm like, not good at living.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
