sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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