I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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