so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
we're making bets on your personal life
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
