When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
