remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
They took my balls.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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