I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My feet surprised me
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