Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
