I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
