If i come over, it means nothing
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
