Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
