I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
