drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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