how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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