I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The uberlube is also flammable
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
