Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
