I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
