I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
