I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
