i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
