how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
