I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
