He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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