Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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