Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
