Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
