I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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