i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
