i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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