There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
