I wish my penis had an off switch
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
