I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
