The maid of honor just puked.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
