is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
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