she was so not down for the gang bang
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
