Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
