It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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