and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
