i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He passed out mid-signature
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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